RCA Safety Guidelines
Approved by WSB January 9, 2005

Our purpose is not to give advice or try to fix one another, but rather to create 
a safe environment in which we can support each other through the sharing of our 
experience, strength, hope, pain and joy.  Most of us have had great difficulty 
establishing our boundaries, assertiveness, and personal space, and we are, therefore, 
sensitive.  For that reason, it is important for us to act and speak respectfully to 
our partners and others.
 
We have found that:

1. It is OK to have feelings, and to express them, clearly and respectfully.

2. It is OK to make mistakes, and to make appropriate amends. 

3. It is OK to disagree, and to use a conflict-resolution plan.

4. It is OK to have needs, and to ask politely for them to be heard. 

5. It is important that we avoid taking or sharing another person's inventory, or 
using statements that are baiting, button-pushing, case-building , self-righteous, 
or judgmental. We use "I statements" to help us each take individual responsibility 
for our feelings and thoughts, and to avoid blame. Saying, "I feel hurt", "I am sad", 
rather than saying "You did...", "You are...", or "You said..." helps us each take 
individual responsibility for our feelings and thoughts, and  avoid blame. We do not 
globalize a conflict by saying, "You always..." or "You never..." and we keep the focus 
on current issues, not past issues, rather than try to resolve past hurts during 
conflict resolution.

6.  It is important that we each work on our own individual recovery, to support our 
couple recovery. We learn to forgive, remembering that resentment hurts us, our 
coupleship, and our partner, and we learn the healing power of compassion, as well. 

7. It is important also to respect ourselves and to avoid "self- pity" or "self put-downs." 
It is helpful to take ownership of our own story, and to take credit for our progress and 
work in recovery. 

We agree to adhere to the Safety Guidelines to the best of our ability by signing below.

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