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The office manager recommended that a laminated stand-up of the Safety Guidelines and an It Takes Three pyramid be sent to newly registered RCA groups.
A Garage Sale flyer was included in the It Takes Three mailing to encourage RCA groups to hold this type of fund raiser.
The Board sent thanks to the individuals who donated their time and talent to design the pyramid and flyer.
Recognizing the incredible amount of work performed by the WSO manager, the board voted to have the Executive Committee develop a contingency plan for WSO work should the office manager decide to retire or become unable to continue.
It was reported that meetings are developing from the RCA Web Site. Discussions and suggestions about the Web Site ensued. The office manager communicates with new meetings she is aware of on a regular basis by e-mail. Board members will begin working on a legal disclaimer for the Web Site and the issues of copyrights and trademark registration for RCA's logo and name and written materials displayed at the Web Site.
The 1998 convention will be held in Minnesota and registration forms and brochures will be available in San Jose. The 1999 convention will held on the west coast of Florida with a theme of CoupleWorld: Adventure Beyond!
The Board voted to create a position of Web Master for a one year term, that can be renewed annually, from July 1 through June 30. The Web Master will be directed in his/her duties by the Board. The Web Master will exchange information with other Web Masters, and when prudent share that information with the Board.
The Board voted to put the summarized version of the Board minutes from the Hand in Hand newsletter on the Web Site with a notation that the full version may be obtained from WSO.
Hand in Hand reprints will be kept on the Web Site for one year. The Site will advertise that couples are available to support and help new meetings and that specific contacts may be obtained through WSO.
The Monday evening, on-line Chat Room will remain as is, but the Web Site Sub-Committee will contact the people using the Monday Night Chat Room asking if anyone wants to take on the greater responsibilities of a News Group or List Server.
It was brought to the attention of the Board that our requirement for the RCA membership statement is inconsistent in the various pieces of RCA literature. The Literature Committee will review all literature to ensure wording that is consistent in all materials.
Two members of the fellowship have translated the Newcomer Booklet and the Philosophy Brochure into Spanish which will be reproduced on the RCA Web Site.
The Communications Committee will develop a letter highlighting the benefits of registering meetings with WSO and it will be sent in the Starter Packet, put on the RCA Web Page, in the Hand in Hand and e-mailed to unregistered groups.
The T-shirt Committee for the 1997 Convention reported that T-shirts will need to be ordered in advance People already registered will need to order immediately.
The Silent Auction is in need of contributions. The Convention Committee would appreciate notification of expected donations for Silent Auction.
Greeting cards of convention banners will be pursued in the future since a member of the California RCA fellowship has slides of all of the banners.
It was announced that there will be an Early Bird Pot-Luck the Thursday evening before the Convention.
The RCA historian wants us to tell him if there's anything we want displayed with the Archives, otherwise he will make the selections. Any group may submit archive materials. Bring materials to the convention or contact Bob F. at 830 Mandana Blvd., Oakland, CA 94610; e-mail, rcfrey@earthlink.net.
Each Board Committee is in the process of developing a binder of information for their Committee. The binder includes one sheet about the committee's function and detailed sections on the Committee's history, current projects, future projects and long-term goals.
The Board approved putting a bylaw change before the fellowship at the October convention. The bylaw change would allow board meetings to be held only 3 times a year instead of the 4 times currently required (see later article).
The next Board of Trustees meeting will be held on Friday at 9:00 am at the convention site.
Chairman's Letter, Mark M., Chairman, Board of Trustees
One of the most interesting pieces of information that has come into my hands in the last several days is an advance copy of the results of the Vision 2000 Survey. The work of the survey was painstakingly compiled by diligent members of the Board and processed into all sorts of interesting information about the fellowship as a whole. I wish to acknowledge the fine efforts made by the people who decided what questions to ask, asked them and compiled the information into usable form. The presentation at the convention will knock your socks off, do not miss it.
While I do not wish to steal their thunder, I want to discuss two specific aspects of the survey that I find most interesting. I feel the need to do so now because as the retiring chair of the Board I feel it imperative to address these concerns of the fellowship now and not wait until the convention. Indeed my intent is to stimulate discussion that can continue at the Board meetings, the convention in San Jose and beyond.
The two statistics that I want to bring to the fellowship's attention are one, that more than seventy percent of the fellowship found out about RCA from another individual who is already a member of the fellowship. The second is that the number one issue that the fellowship wants addressed by the fellowship as a whole is the growth and expansion of RCA. Members want healthy meetings all across the country.
It appears to me that the way to make the second thing happen is to concentrate on the first. If the fellowship wants a bigger stronger RCA, it is up to every member of RCA to do something about it. The Board meets only four times a year now to talk and to plan and do the business of the fellowship. Board members travel at some substantial personal expense to do the business of the fellowship. But the fellowship is only as strong as the meetings and meetings are only as strong as the members who attend them.
RCA recovery starts one couple at a time and one meeting at a time. The stronger the recovery in the meeting, the more people will come. It only takes two couples to start a meeting. While I do believe as in the movie Field of Dreams, if you make a meeting, they will come, I also believe that Step Twelve requires all of us to practice the principals of RCA in all our affairs.
Vision 2000 shows us one on one attraction is the key. There are many members of RCA who have devoted much of their time and energy to the growth of the fellowship. There are, I believe, others who could do more.
Service is therapy. My partner and I benefit so much from sponsorship, from service on the Board. Even if it is something as simple as taking on a service position in your own meeting, going up to a person in another 12 Step meeting to tell them about RCA or leaving literature at a 12 Step club, you are sowing the seeds of recovery. People, this is YOUR fellowship! The Board has no magic wand they can wave to make RCA grow. Giving the gift of recovery is an integral part of the 12 Steps.
Ask yourself, "Can I add another dollar to the basket. Can I talk to the new couple who came in or give them a call to ask why they haven't been to a meeting in a few weeks. Can I help our meeting find child care or go to a meeting I've never been to before. Can I help a Board Committee with a project. Can we set up rules that are helpful to our meeting such as no cross talk, shaming, blaming or sharing without my partner present. Can we sponsor another couple or lead a meeting or plan a non-meeting social event or a half day RCA get together... ?" There is so much to do and only you can do it.
You cannot afford not to because as a result of the spiritual awakening these steps have provided, we must try to carry this message to other couples and practice these principles in all aspects of our lives... the benefits will amaze us; the promises we repeat at each meeting will come true if we work at it.
RCA does not endorse any of the products donated to the auction. RCA stays within the Traditions of our program and follows the convention guidelines. So, with these rules in mind, get creative and decide what you would like to donate.
Silent auction items may either be brought to the convention or mailed to:
Jim and Ariel
158 Verde Mesa Drive
Danville, California 94526.
Tuesday Night Caring Couples of Des Moines, Iowa
First Florida Group of RCA - St. Petersburg, Florida
Santa Cruz, California Friday Night RCA
Tri-County Michigan RCA Group
Monday Night Excelsior Group of RCA
Sunday United RCA of Indianola, Iowa
First Connecticut RCA
Las Vegas, Nevada RCA
Los Angeles SHARE RCA Group
Stepping Together RCA of Rockville, Maryland
Seattle Sunday RCA
Saturday Night Ad Hoc Meeting of Newport, Rhode Island
Houston, Texas Sunday Night Meeting of RCA
Livonia, Michigan RCA Group
La Morinda, California Sunday Night Step Meeting
Friday Night Meeting in Oakland, California
Sunday Night Oakland, California RCA
Sunday Night Palo Alto, California RCA
In addition, 5 donations were received from 3 individuals or couples.
Thank You One And ALL !!
I thought your column concerning outside speakers was interesting and thought provoking. I must admit that I personally have done some reexamining concerning this issue. I too think that RCA as a whole must respect the voice of the Higher Power as expressed in the Group Conscious of the Convention Committee.
I feel I must comment about the letter which appeared in the last issue of the Hand in Hand. In particular the paragraph in which it says "Too many couples in RCA already treat meetings like a therapy session, refusing to do the Steps and continuing to go nowhere."
When it comes to refusing to do the Steps, I can't think of a better example than the story my first sponsor in 12 Step recovery would tell on himself. He would go to an Open AA meeting while still drinking. He would sit in one corner of the room; his spouse in the other. One night she asked one of the old timers about Bill coming to the meetings drunk. The response was, as long as he wasn't belligerent let him come; maybe some of this will get through. Eventually it did; Bill got sober and worked the Steps to the best of his abilities every day until his untimely death.
I really think it is inappropriate to judge other people's recovery. Who among us has the right to look at a couple and say they are going nowhere. We all struggle with working the Steps on any given day. Like I have heard many share at meetings there are times when I have slipped into pre-recovery behavior. One thing about which my first sponsor constantly reminded me was "don't compare your insides with everyone else's outsides." I try to remember that when I look at how much my coupleship is struggling at working a particular Step, while another couple seems to breeze right through it.
One of the things I have learned in RCA is that there are a lot of valuable and effective resources in addition to 12 Step programs. For example, there are a number of publications that are not RCA literature, but members of RCA have found them to be helpful in their recovery. If a couple finds they need therapy in addition to attending RCA, more power to them.
Lastly, I think it's important for me to take ownership of my part of a problem. If I had the same observations that it mentions, I would ask myself what can I do to change it. Does my coupleship lead a Step meeting? Do we make ourselves available as couple sponsors? During open sharing, do I talk about how the Steps are helping my coupleship grow and realize the promises?
Scott L. in recovery with Mary
Dear Editor:
I am writing on behalf of our RCA Group, to tell you a little bit about our group. We are a small group - usually 2 couples - and our meeting is in Ravenna, Ohio, about 15 miles east of Akron. Our group has been meeting since March, 1994.
Over the past 3 1/2 years, we have had 7 couples involved in the meeting and 4 more visit. We have tried various methods to attract new couples, including writing an article about RCA for a local recovery newspaper, sending a letter and RCA pamphlet to local marriage/family counselors, getting listed in the community bulletin board of our local newspaper, and person-to-person contact. The most successful of these methods has been carrying the message personally to other couples.
Since the beginning, our meeting has used the RCA big book for meetings. We have several options for meeting formats: working a Step per month and using the Reflectionsor Issues of Recovering Couples as the topics for our meeting. When needed, the "Pressing Issue" meeting has provided help for couples in crisis.
Our member couples have been able to work through some very serious issues at our meetings. We insist on no crosstalk or feedback during the meeting, which creates a very safe atmosphere, allowing our couples to talk freely about their problems. Most recently, our group conscience made a decision to work the Steps intensively by creating our own "RCA Workbook." We began this process last week and expect to spend the next year going through the Steps in detail.
Our members had quite a bit of recovery behind them before they began the RCA program, which we believe makes working this program more effective. Each member of each couple has their own issues which they bring to the coupleship. When these issues are not dealt with individually, they impede coupleship progress.
For example, I have learned that I control my partner in a passive-aggressive manner. Until I became aware of this, it was not possible to deal with the effect it had on my relationship. In order for the healing process to begin, I have to be totally honest with my partner, own my behaviors (an ongoing process), and let go of my projections of how my partner would react "if he really knew the truth." It has not been an easy, quick or even smooth process, but I believe I am making progress and our relationship is getting better.
Another issue our group is currently working with is "how do individual addictions serve to keep us from intimacy with our partner?" We have learned that addictions like food, sex, alcohol, reading, or television (some of my own addictions) keep us "medicated" so we don't feel the pain in the coupleship, which prevents us from working toward resolution.
It has been a hard lesson for me to learn that even in functional coupleships, there will still be conflict and difficult-to-resolve issues. It is my hope that through the RCA program, I will learn healthy ways to work through conflict, respecting myself and my partner in the process. Until that time, I will KEEP COMING BACK, IT WORKS!
Pat P., Tuesday Night Ravenna, OH RCA Meeting
At the August meeting, the WSO Board of Trustees voted to request a bylaw change which requires a vote at the annual business meeting. The bylaw change would effect section 4: Board of Trustee Meetings, Paragraph 2:1: Locations and Times. The original reads: "Board meetings shall be held four times a year at such times and places as designated by the Board, except that one of the four meetings shall be held at the site of and during the annual Recovering Couples Anonymous Convention."
The proposed change would read: "Board meetings shall be held at least three times a year at such times and places as designated by the Board, except that one of the meetings shall be held at the site of and during the annual Recovering Couples Anonymous Convention."
This proposed bylaw change was not a unanimous decision by the Board. The majority felt it was necessary to reduce the costs of Board membership (members pay all their own expenses of attending board meetings including airfare, housing, meals, local transportation, etc.) to make Board membership easier for RCA members with more modest means. I recently estimated the cost of a single Board meeting to be between $10,000 and $15,000 (depending on number of board members attending, cost of lodging and flights, food, local travel, etc.)
It was also envisioned that more of the actual work of the Board would be done by standing committees composed of Board members and non-Board members with the Board meetings themselves having a more restricted role than previously, i.e., making policy decisions as opposed conducting the details of each committee's work. Day to day operation of the Board would be conducted by the Executive Committee between meetings. E-mail has actually made face to face conversation less important than in the past.
It was also noted that Board meetings under the proposed change would be "...held at least three times a year..." ensuring that a majority of the Board could schedule more meetings if they so desired. They simply could not schedule fewer than three meetings a year.
The president of the WSO Board led the minority in opposition to the proposed bylaw change. Recently he summarized his objections in response to a letter by Fran D.:
"I agree that reducing Board meetings to three meetings a year is a bad idea. The Board meeting at the convention is not really a working meeting. We do not usually get a lot done at that meeting. I know the amount of expense for the travel is a major handicap, particularly as there is no reimbursement for these expenses. However as we are a new fellowship, it is part of our contribution. Someday we may have that luxury (of having Board expenses paid by the fellowship). The fellowship needs our work more than ever and e-mail has made cheap communication possible. We are at a critical crossroads in this fellowship. We as a group have been given a mandate by our fellowship to make it grow. We cannot cut back on our efforts at the very time our fellowship wants us to expand. I strongly oppose reducing our meetings at this time. Mark M."
It was also mentioned that a lot of synergy was generated at face to face meetings which was not generated through e-mail exchanges.
Please bring this bylaw change up at your local RCA meetings or business meetings and discuss the issues thoroughly. Then come to the convention prepared to discuss the pros and cons of the bylaw change. If you, or your RCA group, wish to send any comments to the WSO Board of Trustees prior to the convention, please do so. Remember it is your fellowship. We, on the Board, are but your trusted servants.
Over 20 couples from all over California attended the retreat, including three couples from the San Francisco Bay area and one couple from San Diego. Topics included an initial presentation on The Steps and breakout sessions on Family of Origin Issues, a Couple Meditation, Making Time for Fun Together and Contracts. The day ended with several couples fellowshipping over dinner at a local Mexican restaurant.
It was a wonderful time of coming together and a fund raiser for the World Service Organization as well. Why not try one in your Community? We advertised at local 12 Step centers and 12 Step bookstores and even had two new couples join us.
New Phone Number
If you live on the west coast or are planning on visiting in the Bay Area of California we have a new phone number for meeting information. Just call (510) 982-0197. We'd love to hear from you.
ALSO, August was RCA GARAGE SALE month. But any month can be if your group missed August. Soooo, don't carry all that old baggage around with you!!! All proceeds donated to the World Service Organization will go to maintaining the strength of your fellowship.
Thank you for all the support that you have shown in the past and please continue to express your gratitude to WSO.
October is coming FAST. Please register AND make room reservations if you haven't already done so. Call the Radisson Plaza Hotel (408 452-0200). Don't be left out!
If you don't have a registration form, you can get one from WSO at :(314830-2600; e-mail, RCAWSO@iname.com), or from Emalou and Patrick K.at:(408688-6137; e-mail, emalou@recovering-couples.org).
The registration is $75 per couple. The room rate is $65 per night per couple. A meal package is also available for only $65 per person, which includes Saturday's breakfast, lunch and dinner, Sunday's Breakfast. T-shirts are also available with the convention and RCA logos on a pre-ordered basis only.
Make checks payable to Treasurer, 1997 RCA Convention and mail to 221 Via Soderini, Aptos CA 95003. If you can't get a registration form in time, please include your names, address, phone, FAX, and e-mail address, and T-shirt size(s) with your check.
Also visit our Web Site at http://www.recovering-couples.org for more information about the '97 convention.
The annual open business meeting will be Friday afternoon, before the opening ceremony. Please try to attend and represent your home group.
We have a great line-up of speakers and groups for you as well as entertainment Saturday evening, along with our ever popular Silent Auction and Raffle. This is an opportunity to meet members from all over the country, share experience, strength and hope, as well as play and have fun together.
Many will come a few days early and/or stay a few days after to enjoy the fellowship and experience a taste of California. Check with the hotel about extending the special room rates if you are planning to stay extra days.
We will be having a pot-luck dinner Thursday night for early-birds who wish to attend.
Volunteers play a crucial role in the success of the convention. Please let the convention committee know how you can help (work in the WSO store, help with registration, etc.) by including a note with your registration at the above address or by e-mail.
See you all in San Jose.
Friday, October 17th, 1997
11am-1pm RCA Board Meeting, Room 206
2pm-3:30pm RCA Regional Liaison Couples Meeting, Room 206
3:30pm-5pm Annual Business Meeting (open to all), Room 206
6pm-Midnight Hospitality Suite, Room 206
3pm-9pm Registration
7:30pm-8:30pm Opening/Welcome
8:45pm-10:15pm Orientation Workshop - Looking at the Map of RCA
Saturday, October 18th, 1997
7am Meditation
7:30am-Midnight Hospitality Suite
7:30pm-9am Breakfast
9am-10:30am Couples Panel - Reading Each Other's Maps: Cultural Diversity
and other major Differences
11am-12Noon - 3 Breakout Sessions
Sunday, October 19th, 1997
7am Meditation
7:30am-9am Breakfast
9am-10am Taking the Higher Road: Steps 10, 11, & 12.
10:15am-11:15am Keynote Farewell Address: Patrick & Susan C.
11:30am-12:30pm Closing Ceremony
SEE YOU ALL THERE !!!!!!!!