| Recovering Couples Anonymous | |
| Official World Service Organization Website |
Contact The RCA World Service Office
By Phone
(314) 830-2600
By Fax
(314) 830-2670
By E-Mail
RCAWSO@iname.com
Web Site
http:/www.recovering-couples .org
Snail Mail
P.O. Box 11872, St. Louis, MO 63105
The WSO office has also been very busy sending out Starter Packets to interested couples. The office manager reported the receipt of two letters of concern, but was unable to respond because they had no return addresses or names. One involved the letters “RCA” on the Holiday Appeal and RCA correspondence; the other involved convention speakers.
The inability to accept credit cards for payment continues to be a concern to the WSO office, but no credit card servers have been located that are within RCA’s budget capabilities. The WSO manager has asked the Web Site Sub- Committee to investigate obtaining a secure web site and for help in locating credit card servers at a reasonable cost.
A discussion followed about the lack of WSO support from so many groups and how this could be remedied? Seventh Tradition contributions are a big piece of the WSO budget and continually fall short. The board also discussed other ways of increasing the revenues versus lowering the budget and, therefore, the services of RCA.
The WSO board held a lengthy discussion concerning outside speakers at the Convention and decided to ask the Minnesota Convention Committee to choose a keynote speaker that is a 12 Step couple and, if possible, the couple be an active RCA couple. This will be given to the Minnesota Convention Committee with an explanation that this is an interim decision and a white paper concerning this issue will be forthcoming.
The board discussed many other ways to raise money. Personal contact was suggested as a way to encourage giving. The Fundraising chair will send a letter to Group Contact Couples with ideas for fundraising and a request to participate in fundraising for WSO. After the letter is sent, each Group Contact Couple will be contacted to see what their group has decided to do.
The Web Site Sub-Committee suggested only RCA approved literature and Convention information be posted on the site. The committee will assess providing short summaries of the web site couple stories so individuals/couples may more easily choose the ones they want to read. Currently RCA has one link on the web site. The Spanish translation of the Philosophy Brochure will be placed on the RCA web site.
A project to get bookstores to carry the RCA big book, Recovering Couples Anonymous: A Twelve Step Program for Couples, will be undertaken. RCA members will be asked to go to their local bookstores and/or 12 Step stores and request that they carry this book. The chair reported that this has worked well for other 12 Step fellowships.
The committee is developing a pamphlet on the Safety Guidelines and is soliciting definitions from the fellowship of: “baiting,” “button pushing,” and “case building statements.” Definitions may be sent to the WSO.
The Vision 2000 brochure with statistics on RCA and it’s members is also in the process of development. The board vice-chair will be contacting all RCA Regional Liaison Couples to touch base and give them support and encouragement. It was announced that the new Regional Liaison Couple covering the “Rest of the World” is Cat and Chris. Bob and Betsy F. have resigned and the board thanks them for their long and valuable service.
The board discussed the small size of the current board and that in August, after the convention, only one couple will remain on the board. All other couples will have served out their terms of office. It was decided that each board couple will attempt to identify couples who are willing to be appointed to the board as new alternate couples at the next board meeting. These couples would serve without a vote and would be ratified by the fellowship at the convention in August. It was suggested that former board members be approached as well. Any couple interested in expressing their gratitude by serving on the WSO board of directors should inform the WSO office manager. The next board meeting will be held in Los Angeles in April.
Applying the principles of commitment, communication and caring has brought Signe and I gifts of intimacy, serenity, love and joy beyond our wildest dreams. Many difficult and painful issues have come up along our path but they have not stopped us from growing. The tools of RCA have been invaluable in working through these issues and our slips.
We have been honored to witness the growth of our local meeting -- from our first meeting where almost no one had worked through all the steps, except for a few couples who went through the We Came To Believe program, to seeing, today, couples working their 3rd and 4th journey through the steps.
Many meetings have started and some have endured and offer a place of recovery for committed couples, together in fellowship, sharing their experience strength and hope with each other. Some couples have no local meeting and rely on our literature, the Hand in Hand, telephone sponsors, web site and annual conventions to keep in touch with the Fellowship.
Happy Birthday RCA!! Where will we be 10 years from now?
One day at a time we reach out our hands to suffering couples and grow. I put it to you -- today’s RCA Fellowship. Reach out to couples who are still suffering; every little bit of service you offer serves to support and vitalize the Fellowship. Start new meetings, strengthen our existing ones, establish telephone contact with isolated couples and groups, work with your Regional Liaison Couple and your board members to build unity. Meet for support at local and regional levels.
Make a commitment to come to the annual convention and consider hosting a convention in your area. Write articles about your couple recovery and group activities and send them to Hand in Hand.
Raise money to support our World Service Office so it can do the work of publishing and distributing literature, answer the many phone calls, letters and e-mail inquiries, maintain our web site and see to the daily business of RCA.
Prayerfully consider serving on our board of trustees and help give voice to our group conscience and nurture our growth wherever couples ask for help. Thank you for supporting RCA and see you in Minneapolis!!
My main concern is for the survival of RCA as an official organization. We must have couples willing to step up to board service at the next convention or else the board will cease to exist.
—Steve A.
The couple chooses who will go first and when one person finishes the other person shares. The partner who listens is not allowed to interrupt. Their job is simply to listen and hear what their partner is saying. Even though it is hard, any facial expressions or reactions are also discouraged.
This method of sharing provides a model of how to share outside of the meeting. Before we began attending RCA there were many times when my partner and I would attempt to have a check-in meeting and it would often turn into a blaming game, with lots of defensiveness and little communication. This format has taught us to keep focused on our own feelings and to really hear our partner.
We have found that this format can be quite intimidating to the newcomer couple. The public sharing of intimate feelings and events was something that many people were uncomfortable with. In addition, they would often get into blame, inventory-taking and other violations of the safety guidelines. Sometimes couples would be so blown away that they would not come back for a second meeting.
As a result, we have incorporated newcomer groups into our meeting format. In this group, the couple who has volunteered to lead shares their experience, strength and hope and then the floor is opened to the newcomer’s questions. If there is enough time remaining, the leader’s will model how we share with one another and then give the option of sharing to the newcomers. We have found this helps newcomers to feel more comfortable with our format and increases the number of couples who keep coming back.
Our web master is also in contact with the web masters of various other 12 Step fellowships to find out the best way to get information about RCA to the couple who still suffers and to help members of our fellowship. The Web Site Subcommittee acts as an advisory body to the RCA board about the web site.
If you are interested in becoming a member of the Web Site Subcommittee, please call RCA WSO at (314) 830-2600 or e-mail RCA WSO at RCAWSO@iname.com.
We are looking for more Web Site Subcommittee participants to ensure that recommendations submitted to the RCA board reflect the fellowship’s interests.
First ask an RCA couple to take on the service of planning a “fun-raising” event with your group, the proceeds to go to WSO. What are some of the events others have tried?
Another area of WSO support is the 7th Tradition. We request that you use the formula of 60/40. Sixty percent of the 7th tradition is used for your group expenses and forty percent is donated to WSO. We request that you make these donations on a monthly or quarterly basis to facilitate the work of the office manager.
Thanks so much for all your support and thanks for taking the time to read this article, the next step is up to each one of us.
1. Couple Activities
2. Retreats & workshops
3. Spiritual and meditation activities
4. Other 12 Step programs
5. Individual activities
We are also very pleased with the reception of the 1998 Convention Logo, which appeared on the tee-shirts on sale at the ’97 convention in San Jose, California. The embroidered “stylized” Logo represents two men on the left side, a man and a woman in the center and two women on the right. Each couple is separated by the Roman numeral X to symbolize our ten year anniversary. We wanted the design to be “unclear” enough to people on the street, yet understandable to those of us in couples recovery. The combination of the design and embroidery on the tee-shirts looks great and is something you can wear even after the convention is over... an important goal of the group.
All of us in Minneapolis are excited about the growth opportunities that will be available at the ’98 Convention and we are looking forward to sharing our beautiful city with you.
To receive a Registration Form, contact the WSO:
phone - 314• 830-2600,
fax - 314• 830-2670
e-mail - RCAWSO@iname.com
As an interim step, the board voted to send the following instructions to the Minneapolis convention organizers: “The keynote speaker needs to be a 12 Step couple and, if possible, that couple should be an active RCA couple. This couple will be asked to speak from their experience, strength and hope as a couple and directed not to promote their own interests or agenda.”
The board further decided that final resolution of this issue would be decided by a vote of the fellowship at the Minneapolis convention business meeting. A white paper will be written and published in the next issue of the Hand in Hand to educate the fellowship on the history of the issue and represent the differing viewpoints.
Each local RCA group is encouraged to read the white paper, have a group conscience and, if at all possible, send a delegate couple to the convention in Minneapolis to represent the group at the convention business meeting.
Local groups may decide to use these themes for meeting topics, meeting development aids and for fundraising. By doing so, they will become one of many groups world- wide focusing thought and energy on a single topic of value for recovering couples. Here are the themes for the rest of the year: April - Facing Fear May - Trust June - Action July - Humility August - Cooperation September - Forgiveness October - Awareness November - Gratitude December- Sharing Your Love.
In relationship recovery, we have many emotional wounds which cause fear of the RCA process... fear that the old wounds will be reopened and left unhealed as was true in our past. Step work requires us to make a “fearless” and thorough moral inventory of our relationship. Expressing our partner’s dysfunctional relationship skills was easier than taking inventory of our own contributions to the relationship dysfunction. Honest self analysis is enough to bring out the fear in anyone. However, we can act fearlessly. We are no longer children, but adults.
In Step 3, we turned our wills and our life together over to the care of God. We found that working the steps was part of God’s plan for us and understood that there was nothing in the process to harm us. In working the steps, we used the RCA tools and acquired new confidence. We felt fear, but we used our intellect and connection to our Higher Power to act fearlessly in our recovery.
In the past, we often had poor results when attempting to share our challenges with our mates. Armed with the knowledge of new ways of doing things, the support of our partner, the encouragement and support of our sponsor couple and our group, we now fearlessly worked the steps. We “walked the talk” and now experience our relationship as the life giving blessing it was intended to be.
The first thing we needed to trust was the 12 Step process. We had to be willing to trust that the program would work for us. After that we had to trust that what we were doing was the beginning of the “right way” to live.
We had to trust that our Higher Power would be with us and entrust our life together to the Will of this Higher Power. We had to trust that when we became totally open, honest and willing we would be safe and heal. We had to trust others in the program; our sponsors and others in our group. We had to trust that God would remove the sickness from our relationship. And in this process of learning to trust, we came to trust in ourselves.
At any previous time in our life, we probably would not have been able to do this. This much trust would, as had happened so many times in the past, have lead to betrayal and pain. But the commitment by both partners to the 12 Step process allows us to safely trust again and experience moments of tremendous intimacy.
The program of RCA gives us a recipe, a formula, for trust. We find, eventually, that not only can the process be trusted, but also our sponsor couple and our Higher Power. And then, the greatest gift of the program comes: complete trust in ourself, our partner and our relationship.
Some action is internal and some external. Action provides the redundancy of experience that makes new knowledge and behavior “stick” and become the basis for our new, positive belief systems. Many of us come to RCA with “frozen” relationship skills... repeated unsuccessful relationship behaviors. Yet over and over we expected and hoped for a different result. Now, we see that new action is required. We see from other, more experienced, RCA couples’ behaviors that new actions work.
By going to meetings and working with our sponsor couple, we become more confident that the new skills work. The more we act in a manner consistent with the principles of the program, the more we experience healing in ourselves and our relationship. Action with positive results generates new enthusiasm for more new action.
All the good intentions in the world are not worth the results of just one positive action. Action is the proof of our new thought and beliefs. Action is how we express our love to one another. Action is how we provide role modeling for our children. Action is how we show each other and the world that all is now in Divine Order. We return our relationship to commitment and intimacy through action.