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Contact The RCA World Service Office
By Phone
(314) 830-2600
By Fax
(314) 830-2670
By E-Mail
RCAWSO@iname.com
Web Site
http:/www.recovering-couples .org
Snail Mail
P.O. Box 11872, St. Louis, MO 63105
The following RCA mailings have been sent: . Hand in Hand with a letter and birthday envelopes to all RCA groups. . One hundred Information Packets. . Convention information. A mailing will also go out to all Group Contacts to update meeting information for a new roster. Bob F. is purchasing a non-profit mailing permit for RCA. All future bulk mailings will originate from the Oakland, CA post office. Judy is researching postage meter companies since Pitney-Bowes, our current supplier, will double their rates next March. A Michigan RCA group sent WSO sample flyers they made for their group. Six new groups have registered and two groups have become inactive. There are now two meetings in Sweden and they've had an area RCA Convention. The cost of printing and mailing the Hand in Hand free to RCA members was discussed.
The board discussed initiating one or more pilot Intergroups to see which model would work best. The vice-chair will put together, by the convention, a proposal of ideas supported by the board to be discussed at a specific Regional Liaison Couple meeting. The WSO office will begin a master list of e-mail addresses for Group Contacts and Regional Liaison Couples. The vice-chair will work with the Convention Committee to have a "Roots of RCA" program to replace the "Founder's Address." The board, represented by Ron and Steve, will invite founding couples to be on a panel at the Minnesota convention. The board will ask the Convention Committee to schedule the "RCA Open Business Meeting" for Saturday at breakfast. Los Angeles was approved for the 2000 RCA Convention.
When Signe and I stepped up to volunteer for board service at the Des Moines convention, we felt we were following the will of our Higher Power. We'd been in RCA for six years and served as meeting secretaries, treasurer, literature couple, speakers, and regional liaison couple. As part of our Third Step spiritual quest, we made a commitment to attend the RCA annual convention each year and had been to several before Des Moines.
Our main concern, that kept us from serving on the board, had been financial. Board members pay for their own travel expenses to attend board meetings four times each year and it took a leap of faith to make that commitment! But I would definitely do it again.
Some in our Fellowship cannot afford this expense. A goal of mine is to reduce the expense of board meetings so more couples here and abroad can participate in board service. Having said that I want to tell you that visiting RCA groups around the country has been very rewarding and has made the Fellowship real to me in ways I could only imagine before.
I personally want to thank the home groups in St. Louis, MO; St. Petersburg, FL; Seattle, WA; Newport, RI; Phoenix, AZ; and Santa Monica, CA for hosting board meetings and sharing their homes, families, experience, strength, hope, fun and delicious potluck dishes with us. Any time you are in a city with an open RCA meeting, remember, they are there for you - don't miss an opportunity to visit!
The mission of the RCA board and World Service Office is to do for the Fellowship what cannot be done at individual meetings... providing an office and staff to receive and respond to phone calls, letters and e-mail requesting information; developing, writing and providing literature to local RCA groups, including starter packets and a quarterly newsletter; keeping an updated record of meeting locations; providing the RCA web site; and a host of other benefits.
Some projects that we are currently working on include:
There is much to be done before this year's tenth anniversary convention in Minneapolis (7/31 - 8/2), so I will forget about 'retiring ' for a few more months!
Hope to see many of you at the convention to celebrate RCA and share our visions for the future.
Your trusted servant, Steve A.
RCA is in the process of expanding our Reflections Booklet to a daily meditation book, like Alanon's One Day At A Time, and other similar books. We need your HELP!! We want reflections for each day of the year. So please, please forward any reflections you, or others you know, have written. We will compile them and begin the process of expanding our current booklet. Thanks, from the RCA WSO board of trustees.
While many meetings, brainstorming sessions and thoughtful review of what's worked in the past have come together very nicely, we do need some help with the finishing touches. One area in which we need help is donations to the Silent Auction. Donation ideas: recovery books, framed art, homemade crafts, computer software, quilts, antiques, retreat weekends, bed & breakfast, vacation homes, tickets, business items or services (we are seeking the unusual, interesting & portable items). "Please ship to 'Celebrating Partnership '98' at 3850 Richfield Road, Minneapolis, MN 55410. You can also bring your item to the conference. Questions??? Please call Kate W. at (612) 922-5839. All proceeds will go to support WSO."
Another area we need some help in is presenters for workshops and panels. We have several openings on topics such as: Healthy Sexuality; Sharing Secrets (survivor issues, infidelity, deadly issues); Leaving our Baggage Behind; Parenting & Blended Families; Anger, Fair Fighting, Conflict Resolution; Keep it Simple (putting fun into your recovery); Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Straights Recovering Together. We're also looking for couples to share a panel discussion on "How Your Home Group Works." Call Rich W. (612-922-5839) by July 1 if you're interested in presenting. Save ten dollars by registering for the conference before the early bird registration price ends, June 15th. For a registration form, contact the RCA World Service Office at (314) 830-2600 or call the conference chair, Barry D. at (612) 928-8859.
We are very much looking forward to sharing our city with everyone!
Then Jan-Olof’s old friend said, “Guess who is sitting right behind you? Hasse & Ninni!” They had a leaflet about the RCA Convention with them that night! So we registered and jumped right in! When God speaks you have to listen, right??
The RCA Convention was held at a beautiful old castle, built in 1833 north of Stockholm, where Hasse & Ninni warmly greeted us. After ten years in other Fellowships, we suddenly remembered what it was like to be a newcomer! After a 20 minutes chat, however, we felt right at home. Altogether, eight couples attended and most had been in other Fellowships for quite a few years. That, in itself, made us feel secure. There was a familiar order to the proceedings and the couples each had an ability to listen, patience, tolerance and respect — all things acquired over years in recovery. We felt that everyone was fully committed to their relationships, no matter what.
The convention program was very well planned with, we felt, exactly the right mix of meetings and time to get to know each other. We started with a delicious evening meal organized by Ann-Liz and Per. After that, a speakers meeting with the topics: How RCA in Sweden Started and Steps 1, 2, 3. Everyone welcomed us, we received the wooden newcomer chips and lots of hugs! By evening’s end, it felt as if we had known everyone for weeks. This is what always happens when 12 Steppers get together, isn’t it?
Saturday morning after breakfast, the meeting topic was The Newcomer with speakers Stefan & Anetthe. After lunch we discussed an exciting topic, Intimacy Versus Sex. We were amazed at the honesty and openness and learned many couples had similar problems. What a relief to find that out! When meeting time was running out, we still had two couples to go and we were last! I (Gunilla) began to feel anxious that I wouldn’t get a chance to speak. But the meeting time was extended and I had my say. I didn’t realize that I had that much “stuff” I wanted — and needed — to talk about!
After that, we all needed some fresh air so we went outside to play games on the castle grounds. Mats and Kenneth were game leaders and did a great job . We had a wonderful candelabra supper where everyone dressed up. The candles made us look 20 years younger so we felt beautiful all evening! The meeting topic that night, The Three Legs.
Sunday’s only meeting was about Tradition Three and, interestingly, a lot also came up about jealousy. We then enjoyed a wonderful lunch (“How on earth had they managed all this?,” we asked ourselves) and after that “countdown” where we got a big applause for three days in the RCA program!
We also read the hand-written greetings in the RCA blue book that we received as a gift from the First Florida Group. A warm feeling glowed in the whole group as we felt “hands across the water.” The convention couples agreed we should write this article for Hand in Hand and make ourselves known to everyone in RCA. We also collected a good sum of hat moneys which, after deducting expenses, will be forwarded to the RCA World Service Organization. After thank you speeches, hugs (several times around) and a group photograph outside the castle, it was 4 p.m. and we parted ways.
It was a truly great and perfect weekend and we are full of admiration for the couples who organized all this and did it so well! The total cost for the whole weekend, including food (cooked by RCA members) and lodging was around $60! Quite amazing, really!
We also got ourselves a sponsor couple — not bad going. We went home with a feeling of HOPE, JOY and GRATITUDE and are truly convinced that our relationship will only get better and better, if we work at it. And we will — after all, we are addicted to recovery!!!
The Seventh Tradition revenues continue to fall short of budget by about 20%, year to date. Average contribution per group is about $16 per month. Another analysis shows that 40% of group contributions accounts for 81% of all revenues. This means that 60% of groups are contributing 20% of the revenue or $5.00 each per month. There were 44 separate groups that have made Seventh Tradition contributions since the beginning of the current fiscal year. The board has built a budget for RCA based on an average contribution of about $375 per year or $31.25 per month per group. Contributions to the work of the World Service Organization are strictly voluntary. No contributions are too small and all are appreciated and needed regardless of size.
In the last issue of Hand in Hand a proposal was made to list, in this issue, the fiscal year contributions of every group to date. The board has chosen this vehicle to communicate with the membership and trust that this will create a better understanding between the board and the membership. Contributions from this source represents about 56% of all planned revenue. If you feel that our records don’t match those of your group, please contact our World Service Office in St. Louis, MO at (314) 830-2600.
There continues to be a couple of ways to address this problem. Either we try to increase Seventh Tradition contributions or we have some additional special fund raiser events. Since the cost of the RCA big book and consulting expenses (office manager, etc.) account for 70% of our expenses, there does not appear to be a practical way to pare down either of these in a meaningful way.
The cost of publishing the big books ($2,700) would account for almost100 % of this deficit. The sales of Starter Packets were up 75% over last year and 23% over the budget forecast.
OVERALL TOTAL - $5,837.54
In addition, 11 private donations from 9 individuals or couples were received since the last newsletter. Thank you.
If you feel that the amount listed is incorrect for your group, or if your group is not listed and you feel it should be, please notify the office immediately and we will seek to correct the situation.
If you are interested in hosting a similar fund raiser, the video can be borrowed from the WSO office by calling Judy at (314)830-2600. Set a date and Just Do It!! We had a blast and the couples in our group truly benefited from the video as well as the Fellowship.
Here are the themes for the rest of the year:
Some say that humility is the opposite of pride: freedom from pride and arrogance. Yet, as we did our step work, we came to find out how low our sense of self-worth was and how low was our sense of the relationship’s worth. Probably, all that was holding things together was false pride. Another description of humility is that it is a condition of being willing and teachable. When we came wounded and beaten to RCA, we had, as individuals, tried our best to make the relationship right as we believed it should be. Most often, our individual efforts were focused on what we were trying to change in our partners. As we worked the steps, went to meetings and talked with our sponsor couple, an awareness began to emerge that we were each responsible for our own dysfunctional contribution to the relationship. As we looked at our own “stuff” and how it affected the relationship, we found there were things that we each needed to change. We also found ways we treated the relationship that we each needed to change.
Then the moment of willingness came. And then the moment of learning better behavior from the experience of others came. In that moment, our relationship was in a state of being humble. We knew our relationship for what it was—filled with many good things but also some things that really needed changing. We knew for the first time exactly who we were as a couple but also what we wanted our relationship to be. So now, rather than pride, we had a sense of confidence that we could learn what we needed to learn, change what needed to be changed and live a life filled with gifts of recovery that is part of what God intends for our lives together.
Cooperation is how we can be together as a loving, functional couple while being two very different people. As our relationship gets stronger, we are apt to find ourselves experiencing our own uniqueness more than ever before. It is an odd paradox that as we give ourselves to our relationship, God and God’s will for us, we become more true to ourselves and our true being. The commitment in relationship gives us the freedom to be who we really are.
All this requires that we are cooperative with each other. We are each other’s best helper. We are each other’s best friend and confidant. Because we know our partner better than any other human being, we have the best opportunity to help each other heal. While healing from old wounds and letting go of old ineffective belief systems, we work together making our relationship into that which God intends.
Before any pattern of ongoing cooperation can be established, we, as individuals, must learn and practice self-restraint. We know our partner so well that we know exactly when to go for the jugular. We must learn that baiting our partner or pushing their buttons is counter productive. It only weakens the relationship more. We must retrain ourselves to listen, to communicate appropriately and accept. With self-restraint and new healthy behaviors, true cooperation emerges. The result is intimacy beyond that which we have dreamed.
With forgiveness being the action of love, it is necessary that it be all inclusive. When we withhold forgiveness, it always comes back to bite the holder, not the unforgiven. Some believe that unforgiven things are at the very core of spiritual, emotional and even physical illness. Resentments can make us sick.
Of all the amends that must be made in our RCA Step Nine, forgiveness is probably the most important. At the top of the list is our forgiveness of ourselves. When we can truly forgive ourselves, we can forgive others. By totally forgiving ourselves, our mate, and all others for all past mistakes, we start fresh. We start even more fresh than the day we met because the entire past is neutralized.
Having cleared the table of past issues, we can deal with life in the present moment. Without the past nagging us and with the future cleared of the wreckage of the past, we can live in the only time that counts — the present. The “Kingdom of God is at hand” means the Kingdom of God is here and now. When we are free from resentments we are living in Divine presence and are fully able to experience intimacy... the experience of being without past or future thoughts, being only in the experience of the moment with our partner.
The work of Steps Nine and Ten come before 11, the prayer and meditation step. Almost all world religions require that to experience God fully we must become as a “hollow reed” or emptied of all negativity, in a state of total forgiveness.